And that takes me to the most scariest thing that happened to me… choose to stay and live and try to be happy or let go and forget…
It was about me, not about the thing surrounding me, it was about who I am and not who i was supposed to be.
I was, am, and probably always will be a very private person, can´t trust really my fam coz other than the obvious things never been that close to them, they were always trying to control me, never letting me do or say what i really think and sadly enough i was not one to fight for what i feel was right for me…
Starving, vomiting, holding razors, fainting here and there made me ask, what I am doing to myself, was it right? was I that weak that i really considered, even if that was subconsciously, that i was not worth enough to live to even try and kill myself? was i that weak to thought that what the others were telling me was truth? was really truth that coz i had a normal weight i was fat? was really important to be the best at everything just to live in a place where feelings doesn´t matter but if you are the best?
No, nothing was important enough besides the fact that I AM THE ONE WHO CHOOSES HOW TO LIVE, that I AM THE ONE WHO HAS TO LOVE HERSELF, that I AM ABLE TO DO THE THINGS I WANT ALL BY MYSELF, that I AM WHAT MY HEARTS FEELS AND NOT WHAT THE OTHERS WANT ME TO BE.
So this I hope can help you see what are you trying to become involve into, and think the things you have ahead, the THINGS YOU HAVE TO LIVE FOR!
JUST REMEMBER NOTHING MATTERS BUT YOU AND WHAT YOU FEEL!